Ask The Expert: My ex and I are still friends. We dated for a long time but now we are both with other people. His mother just passed away. Is it appropriate to send him flowers since we aren’t together anymore? Thanks. ~ Keely

Flower Etiquette Expert: I’m sorry to hear about your ex-boyfriend’s mother, Keely. In response to your question, it is appropriate in a few situations. There are a few very important questions to answer though. I have included the appropriate flower etiquette for each situation. I hope it helps you both deal with this hard time in a positive way.

“Do I get along with his new girlfriend?” — This one is hugely important because it will dictate when/where/if you are able to send sympathy flowers. If you do get along with his new partner, feel free to send sympathy flowers to his home but make a point to mention her as well on the enclosure card. This is polite even if you aren’t close to her. It can be something as simple as “please let me know if you and *partner’s name* need anything during this difficult time.” It’s simple and lets both of them know that you aren’t trying to horn in on her territory during a weak moment when emotions run high.

“Was I close to his mother?” — If you were close to your ex-boyfriend’s mother and remained that way after the split, it is appropriate to send funeral flowers to the funeral home. Sympathy flower etiquette also allows flowers to be sent to her  home but usually addressed to the family instead of just one person. If you were never close to her, sending flowers to your ex depends mostly on whether or not his new partner would be accepting.

“Would my new partner be offended?” — The chances are slim that your new partner will react in a negative way provided you discuss sending sympathy flowers before the gesture is made. Otherwise, it may seem shady whether it was meant that way or not. If your new partner is offended anyway and refuses to budge on the issue, the decision to send flowers or not is completely up to you. At that point it’s juggling your partner’s feelings and consideration for those feelings should be put first.

Someone asked a really good question on Wedding And Party Network about wedding flower etiquette. I knew when I read it that many of the Bloomin’ Blog readers could benefit from this info so here goes! Here’s some wedding etiquette to break things up. (Read the question and more on Wedding And Party Network’s wedding flower etiquette–who pays? blog.)

The Question: My parents want to help pay for the wedding so that my fiancee and I can have a nicer ceremony. We really appreciate the help but aren’t sure what to ask them to pay. We don’t want to step on toes or ask too much to we thought about asking them to buy the wedding flowers. Is that appropriate? ~ Jesse J. from Fountain, Colorado.

Brynn’s Answer: Great question! The short answer is that it is traditionally the responsibility of the bride or bride’s family to pay for the wedding flowers. –BUT– Today’s society sees so many weddings being paid for by people other than the bride’s family. For instance, it is often the role of the bride to pay for the wedding while the groom pays for the honeymoon. Some couples go in together. Many times the groom’s parents take on part of the payments while the bride’s family picks up the other. The simplest answer is that yes, it is acceptable to ask your parents to pay for the wedding flowers.

A Reminder To Florists: If you are a florist, here is a small tidbit to keep in mind when working with the bride. If her mother or mother-in-law is paying for the wedding flowers there could be potential conflict. She may passively opt for something smaller or of less value so as to appease her mother. Her mother may passively encourage this. Then again, both could be rather blunt women. Either way, keep in mind that some mediation may be required to make sure that the bride gets exactly what she wants for her wedding.

You’d be surprised how many people do not include a return address when sending sympathy flowers. This could be for many reasons and no one is at fault. However, including an address with sympathy flowers has many benefits. The next time you send flowers to express condolences, ask your local florist to include an address where you can be reached in the future. Here’s why:

• “That will make it seem like I want to be thanked.” Not really. It’s a very courteous gesture that will not be perceived as polite and prudent In fact, it’s somewhat expected.
• Once the family has had a few days to grieve, most tend to send “thank you” cards to those who have expressed their sympathies. Whether or not this seems necessary to the sender, it is polite to include an address just in case.
• In lieu of “thank  you” cards, many people try to contact the sender by phone or in person. Though they probably have this information, including an address and perhaps phone number will make it easier for the recipient to contact you after the services have ended. If your address is included with the sympathy flowers, the recipient will not have to go far to find your information whether he or she has it or not.

This kind of simple convenience goes a long way to someone who has just lost someone that they love. It’s a hassle to do even the slightest chores. Even though things have usually settled by the time this type of contact is made, it is still easier to have things laid out nice and neat in front of them.

If you are a florist, remember to ask for an address where the sender can be reached. This is not a must-have as far as sending sympathy flowers goes, of course. However, there will be far fewer troublesome phone calls after the service. Many who do not receive word that the flowers were received like to call the florist to verify delivery. Some call the recipient. Making sure to include an address with the enclosure card is one way to avoid this hassle for everyone.

Ok. It’s the big night. You’re standing there looking stunning in the dress that took two weeks and as many credit cards to find. Your hair has never looked better. Your face is clear, your teeth sparkle. You are a beauty to behold. That’s when you hear your date ring the doorbell. You coyly greet him only to find that he has brought something else besides a prom corsage. Could it be so? Is he even able to do that?

Yes.

Prom flowers have taken many new shapes and sizes over the years. As the dresses get shorter, lighter and much more “springy,” so also do prom flowers change. (Yes, I actually say “so also do” and I’m not 100.) As far as having to stick to prom corsages goes, that’s not so much the case anymore. These flowers are gorgeous and perfectly acceptable. Plus, you can dress them up to fit you. However, don’t be alarmed if your date shows up with something a little less standard.

Florists are finding more and more that prom flowers need to fit the personalities of both the young lady and the young man. What I mean by this is that if you are a flashy, showy woman who likes to be bold–try a bolder looking bracelet wrist corsage. As a rocking young woman, I prefer these because your accessories ring a lot of personality to the whole ensemble. Instead of simple black and a pop of color, you now have your pretty black dress with an eye-catching bracelet and flowers that suck the attention straight back to you.

Want to get some major compliments on prom night? Here are some flowers for prom that are hot in 2009:

1) Prom Pocket Squares (for guys) — not as familiar as the rest but definitely worth the wear. Prom pocket squares hold a photo of your date with floral accents to complement her corsage. Want more information on prom pocket squares? Call Oakhill Florist, a great flower shop in Scarborough Maine.

1) Wrist Corsages – you guessed it. The traditional is always going to show up in a list like this. However, modern girls are turning the traditional prom accessory into something trendy and fun. All it takes is a phone call to your local florist. He or she will talk with you about how to use ribbons, jeweled bracelets and particular types of flowers to make your corsage work for you.

2) Boutonnieres — again with the traditional but there are modern spins to be put on these as well. Just let your florist know that you want a very unique, contemporary boutonniere for your date. Once you know what color he’ll wear, the rest is a breeze! (Want a fun prom photo? Have a friend snap a pic of your date wearing your flowers and you wearing his. Strike a James Bond-esque “cool” pose and laugh about it for years.)

3) Bracelet Corsages — this is a little bit different than a typical wrist corsage because modern prom flowers mean very contemporary styles for the accessories worn with them. Jeweled bracelets make people WANT to show off what used to just be something to keep the flowers on their wrists. Now it’s an eye-catching fashion statement! Florists now have awesome bracelets and other jewelry that they can attach the flowers to.

4) Flower Bouquets — seems a little unorthodox considering the party atmosphere of a prom but these favored flowers are anything but passe. If your date shows up with a bouquet of flowers–well, that’s just worthy of a good solid hug. Only a sweetheart would go the extra mile to make YOU fell special. After all, you’re not going to be showing off a bouquet to your friends. These flowers are just for you; something to keep the memories of that night alive. Extra points for him and you if he shows up with something to wear to prom AND something to enjoy for yourself. He’s a keeper!

While these may not seem like “new” concepts for prom flowers, the whole idea with this accessory in 2009 is to make it all…about…YOU. Accentuate your personality because it’s YOUR prom. Flowers are just the icing on the cake. You’re the main attraction so ask your florist to create flowers for prom that bring your personality to life. Bold? Be a little brazen. Reserved? Try something traditional. In love with your date? Go romantic. It’s all up to you!

Question: My grandfather passed away six months ago and his and grandmothers wedding anniversary is coming up.  He always sent flowers to her on her anniversary.  Would it be proper for me to send her flowers on their anniversary date?

Brynn’s Response: First, my condolences on the loss of your grandfather. It is very sweet of you to want to comfort your grandmother in this way. She is very lucky to have such caring people in her life.

Flower etiquette for this occasion is a bit of a gray area. The deciding factor is the personality of the recipient. Sending anniversary flowers after your grandfather’s passing is a reminder of your grandfather and the many sweet times that he sent flowers. If your grandmother would be comforted by this, by all means send flowers. If this would be a bittersweet or sad memory, do not.

Most women and even many men would be comforted by receiving flowers in remembrance of a loved one. Memorial flowers are often sent with cards that explain the reason for the flowers and a brief message of encouragement. Some examples are:

• Just thought you could use a little extra sunshine today.
• May the peace which comes from the memories of love shared comfort you now and in the days ahead.
• It will be the little things that you will remember: the quiet moments, the smiles, and the laughter.
• May the care of friends bring you comfort and loving memories heal your heart.
• Praying for friends to comfort you, faith to uphold you, and loving memories to help you smile again.

“In memory of” is another popular phrase that helps the recipient understand the reason for the flowers. More personal messages can also be offered. Just remember to say to your grandmother what you would say to her if you were with her in person. Would you hug her and tell her that you wanted her to remember something nice that grandpa did? These are the kinds of things that should be on the card.

This year’s match up between the Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers is going to be quite a good game. However, the best thing about the Super Bowl isn’t the football. It’s the Super Bowl party! Chips, dip, drinks, and the ability to go a little nuts over a bad pass make for incredible season-ending events.

So the question remains, “what hostess gift should I bring to a Super Bowl party?” Traditional gifts such as entrees and extra drinks are always helpful but only at the suggestion of the host or hostess. Otherwise, another tried-and-true gift is a great way to make a good impression at the party. Bring flowers!

Yeah, yeah. Flowers for a football game? Yes! This tip is especially helpful for men attending the party at a buddy’s house whose wife is in charge of the hostess duties. A flower arrangement in her team’s colors is a great way to say thanks for the hard work! It may also be helpful toward getting drinks and chip bowls refilled faster.

Ladies, it’s not all about the men this year! Some women (like me) enjoy hosting a girls-only Super Bowl party for the coolest women in our lives. Throwing back some beverages and relaxing with a good game are all in a normal winter’s Sunday. Whether the hostess’ team is playing or not, flowers in her team colors go a long way toward the same end of expedient refills and cheery smiles when the chips run out. All it takes to get the party rocking is one quick call to a local florist!

Add black balloons for a great Pittsburgh Steelers arrangement!

Ask your florist about using black and white ribbon to create an Arizona Cardinals bouquet!

Ask the Expert: My co-worker celebrates Kwanzaa and I would like to send him a gift to show my respect for his culture. Would flowers be an appropriate gift for a Kwanzaa celebration?

Shelly,

Kwanzaa means “first fruits” and originates from the first harvest celebrations of Africa. Gifts are mainly given to children and include a book and a heritage symbol. Since Kwanzaa is a cultural holiday I would suggest sending a fruit gift basket since the fruit represents a valued part of their culture — the harvest and particularly the celebration of thanks and respect for the harvest.

Just a little extra Kwanzaa information:

Kwanzaa is celebrated for seven days — beginning Dec 26th and celebrated until the end of Jan 1st.

Kwanzaa is a time to honor and respect one’s elders and heritage. Family and community play an important part in Kwanzaa. It is not a religious holiday.

Ask the Expert: I know that Hanukkah begins at sundown today, but I don’t know the proper etiquette for gift giving during the holiday. I would like to send my friend a flower arrangement to acknowledge the importance of this holiday to their faith. Would it be appropriate?

Yesterday my neighbor called to ask me what I thought about sending a fireside basket to a funeral. She explained that an old high school friend passed away recently and she and some other friends sent sympathy flowers to the service held in another state. She explained that one of the ladies in her group handled all the arrangements. My neighbor received a thank you card for the fireside basket that was sent. She was concerned because she didn’t know what a fireside basket was and that it might not be appropriate for a funeral service.

Fireside baskets are floral arrangements created in a broad, low-sided, oval handled basket. Many times this type of flower arrangement is used as an appropriate alternative to a standing spray. In fact many families prefer a fireside basket to a standing spray.

While helping my sister-in-law at her flower shop, I have seen many funeral arrangements. I find that the fireside baskets were some of the most appropriate floral tributes. I remember a couple of fireside baskets that really represented the personality of the deceased. One basket was arranged so the flowers looked like they had been picked from someone’s flower garden and placed in the basket. This fireside basket was for an avid gardener. The second basket was for a man who loved fishing and the flowers were arranged in the basket with a fisherman figurine. It looked like the fisherman was walking through a wildflower field to his fishing hole.
So to make a long story short. It is appropriate to send a fireside basket to a funeral