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In Lieu Of Flowers Doesn’t Mean No Funeral Flowers

Back in December, Central Square News (the Central Square Florist blog) addressed the issue of “In Lieu of Flowers” concerning funeral flowers. It seems the question concerning the appropriateness of sending sympathy flowers surfaces over and over again. The 2003 Flower Shop Network newsletter – In Lieu of Flowers addressed the importance of flowers in the bereavement process. In fact, there have been many studies that prove the importance of flowers during times of emotional stress. But, I realized that the reason this question comes up, time and time again, is that people are uncomfortable with funerals and don’t want to make any mistake when it comes to showing their sympathy and support.

Funeral FlowersUnderstanding some of the terminology used in obituaries can help elevate some of the questions people have concerning funerals and what is appropriate. As Central Square Florist explains the term “in lieu of flowers” gives you the option of sending a donation instead of flowers – it is acceptable to give both, flowers and a donation. This phrase, however, does not state that the family does not want flowers. If flowers are not wanted at the service, the term “please omit” will be used.

Flowers are one of the most thought ways to express your sympathy, but ordering funeral flowers can be a frightening experience for some. Not all families deal with funerals the same way. When I was growing up, my parents didn’t believe that children should be exposed to funerals. As a result, I was unprepared the first time I needed to send flowers to a funeral. I was in college and a friend was killed in a car accident. I remember calling the local florist shop; I rambled on about needing flowers, not knowing what was appropriate or what information the florist needed; luckily the florist was very patient – walking me through all the steps and making suggestions. It would have been helpful to have some kind of guide.

As always, Flower Shop Network tries to give it’s reader pertained information about anything concerning flowers. In fact, the FSN Funeral Flower Etiquette newsletter discusses everything from the types of funeral flowers to the appropriateness of sympathy flowers based on culture. Although the newsletter is very helpful, I found that InLieuOfFlowers.info had a couple of really neat tribute guides. The Tribute Preference by State lists five types of floral sympathy categories (baskets – sprays – arrangements – wreaths, hearts & crosses – green and blooming plants) and then lists the categories in order of frequencies for each state. The Tribute Guide by Relationship lists the type of floral piece and which is appropriate to send by relationship.

So although “In Lieu of Flowers” is an option when you need to convey your sympathy remember it doesn’t mean no flowers. Flowers truly touch the heart and give comfort, so don’t be afraid to send flowers. If you are unsure of what kind of funeral flowers to send,

Talk to a local florist, read the FSN newsletters or check out the sympathy guides at InLieuOfFlower.info. If you have funeral flower questions, I’m always here to answer them. Remember, the funeral flowers you send will give convey a message of comfort and support in a difficult and emotional time.

Did you know, you can use FSNfuneralhomes.com to find a funeral home anywhere in the US and Canada.

Funeral Flowers

Funeral Arrangement

Funeral Flowers
After the death of a close friend or family member, those in mourning need a support system of people comforting and nurturing them through one of life’s most painful episodes. Most of us are anxious to find some way to help soon after we hear the news of someones passing. Nothing is more appropriate than the age old tradition of sending funeral flowers. Grief therapists agree that the rituals surrounding death, aid the grieving process.

Flowers for non-traditional services

Changing trends in how we commemorate deaths in this country has added some confusion about traditional funeral customs and funeral etiquette. Flowers have traditionally been sent to the funeral home for display during the viewing/visitation and funeral service. However, if no service is held, it does not mean that there should be no show of sympathy. In instances where there is no service, experts recommend sending condolences to the homes of the bereaved.

  • Cremations: Urns and cremation boxes can be accentuated with appropriate floral tributes. A small wreath or garland for these containers is appropriate and can even be incorporated into a larger floral arrangement. An array of coordinating baskets and sprays can also be placed around the container. When ashes are scattered on water, sympathy wreaths, loose flowers and flower petals are often tossed onto the waters surface.
  • Memorials: Places of significance, such as the podium where readings will be performed, a table displaying remembrances such as photos or special mementos and even a cemetery monument, can be adorned with flowers. Depending on the particular focal area, garlands, sympathy arrangements in vases or baskets and sympathy sprays are all appropriate choices. Just as flowers add softness and warmth to the surroundings, live plants displayed around an area can create a peaceful garden setting. Dish gardens and plants can be sent to the homes of family members of the deceased. Chrysanthemums or flowering shrubs such as azaleas are also good choices.
  • Ceremonial placement: A tragic death may be memorialized near the site where it occurred. Trees, markers, fences or other objects in the area can be adorned with floral decorations, such as garlands, wreaths or bouquets. Oftentimes attendees will place individual stems of flowers like roses at the ceremonial location.
Funeral Flowers - View Larger Picture Of In Loving Memory Basket
More Funeral Flowers Here

Too late for the funeral?

At one time or another it will happen to the best of us. The funeral was today at 10 a.m. and you just heard about it. Do not despair. It is considered proper funeral etiquette to send flowers to family members of the deceased at their residences. In fact, it is appropriate to send flowers, plants and sympathy gifts up to a month after the funeral services. Some people actually prefer to send funeral flowers at a later date. Although the initial outpouring of sympathy is a great comfort, eventually the chaos subsides, friends and relatives return home and reality sets in. At this point, many people feel lost and alone. Consider sending flowers or a plant with a personalized sympathy card that reads I’m here if you need me.” The bereaved will know you are still thinking of them and they can count on your support.

Make mine stand out, please.

To make your funeral flowers particularly special, ask your local florist to create an arrangement that reflects an aspect of the deceased’s personality. A rustic basket of wildflowers incorporating branches and natural materials is a perfect choice to honor someone who loved the outdoors. You could request that the florist use the deceased’s favorite flowers or colors or a flower with special significance. Be prepared to give the florist a few hints about the person you want to memorialize. Highly-personalized sympathy tributes might even include a sheaf of wheat in an arrangement for a farmer or a ball of yarn and knitting needles for someone who liked to knit. Toys can be used for adults and children alike. For instance, a semi-truck could be added to flowers for a truckers funeral or a teddy bear for a child’s service. You are limited only by your imagination. Almost anything can be incorporated into a floral arrangement, depending on the ability of your florist to accommodate your request. Whatever you do, the family is sure to notice your effort and appreciate it.

Remember to shop local!

Consult your local florist regarding any specifications at the particular funeral site. Some churches, funeral homes, and other sites may have strict regulations regarding location, size and types of flowers that are used in funeral services. With the guidance of a floral professional, you can make the appropriate choice in flowers that beautifully convey your expressions of sympathy toward the bereaved and serve as a lovely tribute to the memory of the deceased.

In Lieu of Flowers?

Though death is the natural consequence of living; it’s never easy to endure the loss of a loved one. Still, one of the most appropriate and appreciated ways to express sympathy and compassion, as well as respect for the deceased, is by sending flowers.

Flowers At A Funeral – An Ancient Tradition

Sympathy Wreath On EaselFlowers have a long association with the funerary practices of humans, beginning in pre-history. In fact, the archeological record shows evidence of flowers being buried with the remains of Neanderthal men. Ancient civilizations across Europe and the Middle East also burned, buried or entombed flowers with their dead. With their innate processes of development… from infant seed, to youthful sprout, to fully blossomed adult, to withering petals, and culminating in the ripening pods or fruits which bear within them the promise of life renewed… Flowers are an elegant metaphor for the ongoing cycle of life itself, and a symbol of immortality; something which even cavemen understood.

(History lesson: Read more about the ancient traditions of African funerals)

The Fleeting, Essential Beauty of Sympathy Flowers

Humans and flowers are both products of nature, testaments to the mystery of being. With their essential but fleeting beauty, flowers remind us of our own existence and the temporal quality of our human lives. We cherish them all the more because they are so transient, like the spirits of those who have passed on before us.

  • Flowers bring comfort to the living as they commemorate the lives of the deceased.
  • Flowers provide a beautiful and thoughtful distraction from the grief of survivors.
  • Flowers express gratitude for life and for the privilege of knowing the departed.

Sympathy designs (flowers sent for a funeral) ought to be as special and unique as the life of the person they memorialize. To suggest that flowers are trivial or unimportant to the grieving process is to deny the truth of their message: life always goes on.

In Lieu Of

There has been a trend in recent years to place the words “please omit” or “in lieu of” into an obituary as pertaining to flowers, as if they were worthless or unwanted. The same sentiment would never be expressed with respect to the dead. And while a contribution to charity in the name of the deceased is always a fitting tribute, the value and importance of flowers sent in sympathy can never be understated. Consult your local florist to help you deliver a comforting message of condolence and concern.

Flowers are life exemplified.