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How To Be A Good Secret Admirer

Single? Have your eye on someone but just shy to speak to them? Well, we’ve got some great tips for you! How To Be A Good Secret Admirer

A Secret Admirer

There’s something romantic and even exciting about having a secret admirer. Knowing you’ve caught the eye of some mysterious person and it could be anyone! However, in today’s society, it’s easy to find out anything about anyone and can get creepy really fast. Don’t be creepy, be romantic! It can be as easy as signing the card “Guess Who”, but there is so much more possible, why stop there?

NOTE: This is written to guys, but we know girls can be secret admirers too – the only difference is the pronouns.

Don’t Be A Creep

(I can’t stress the ‘not creepy’ enough.) Being a secret admirer is easy, just make sure we pay attention to Rule #1! Rule #1: Don’t be a stalker!

DO NOT take a lock of her hair, clothing, etc. That’s just weird, really weird. You don’t want your new crush to go home and change all the locks on her house. Do not do anything that could be seen as illegal or crossing a line.

Secret Admirer Gifts – The Fun Begins

Being a secret admirer is all about thoughtfulness. Doing something sweet for a girl just because is one of the most romantic gestures a guy can make. Make sure you leave a card that says something sweet, but not too mushy. Always sign your card the same, “Your Secret Admirer” or something more clever. You don’t want someone else to take the credit!

Where to leave gifts

It’s always easier to be a secret admirer if you work with the person, or have someone on the inside that can help you out. Just don’t ask someone who would spill the beans to your girl. You can also leave items on the girl’s car, doorstep or mailbox, if you feel she would be okay with this. (Small towns, everyone knows where everyone lives.)

Good Secret Admirer Gift Ideas

  • Send Flowers – Send her a small bouquet of roses or her favorite flowers to work with a card attached.
  • Create A Mix CD – Creating a mix CD takes time, effort and a lot of thought. Choose songs that you think she will actually enjoy, instead of a mix of romantic songs your mother is more likely to enjoy.
  • Cookies & Pastries – Have a box of pastries delivered to your girl’s place of work. (If she’s a health-nut, make sure they are healthy snacks!) She can share them with her friends.
  • Send Letters – Send short notes to her with motivational quotes or poetry. Do not make this too lovey-dovey, but something to really lift her spirits. Try to send them from a different town or zipcode to throw her off your scent.
  • Scavenger Hunt – Create an elaborate scavenger hunt for her to follow. Don’t make her travel all over town, but do make it interesting.
  • Thoughtful – Do thoughtful gestures to show her you care. Leave an umbrella on her doorstep for a rainy day.
  • Gift Cards – Leave gift cards to local businesses, such as: restaurants, florists, boutiques, movie theaters, playhouses, etc.

Tip: Wooing her friends is almost as important as wooing her. When you’ve got her friends on your side, you can’t go wrong. Try sending gifts she can share with them.

Bad Secret Admirer Gifts

  • Stuffed Animals – Unless your girl is into plushies (some girls are), stuffed animals, especially big ones, can be too cheesy.
  • Jewelry – Too expensive to buy for someone who might still say no to you. Plus a big gift like this could scare her off.
  • Lingerie – Just no. Don’t go there.

The Reveal

2 Dozen RosesYou’ve been secretly courting your lady for weeks, it’s time for the big reveal! First of all, make a big deal out of your first date!

Send her a card that begins a treasure hunt. Divide up a dozen roses so that she can find roses at every spot on the treasure hunt. You might pair them with romantic cards or hand-made gifts. End the treasure hunt with a cute Save the Date card that will be your first real date together.

Do something very special and unique, such as a riverboat or a horse-drawn carriage ride after a romantic dinner. The key to a good reveal is in the planning! Make sure all details are covered and give her a date fit for a princess! Don’t forget to bring her flowers on the first date!

Have all the confidence in the world on this first date, you deserve it! She knows how much thought you’ve put into romancing her and will be overjoyed to finally find out who her secret admirer truly is.

Be Realistic

On your first date, be yourself. That’s all you can do. If she responds, excellent!! You’ve got a great start already!

However, just because you’ve done your best at being her secret admirer does not mean she will instantly be your girlfriend. It might require more dates, or she could want to stay just friends. Whatever happens, just let it happen. Do not get mad or make a scene — you can’t force someone to love you. Just enjoy your one special night together on top of the world.

Continue The Romance

If you got your girl through something as romantic as this, you can’t just stop! Keep sending your girl flowers ‘just because’. Write her little notes to say you care. It’s not hard to be romantic, it just takes time.

Article Updated: 6/18/2018


  1. Thanks Mandy, I find this helpful.

  2. Hi ..can i request a 13 roses with a cute small bear n cards writing… ( your secret admire ) please help me

  3. Jack,
    Click on this link and type in the city where you want to send the flowers. Then you will see a directory of florists. Simply click on one and you can either order the roses online from there or call the shop directly. I hope this helps!

  4. Hi . was wondering. “The Reveal” part doesn’t give any info of when to reveal or how to reveal? Thankx

  5. Art,

    I believe the article suggests preparing a thoughtful first date after a few weeks and revealing your identity then. The article gives an example of a fun scavenger hunt. The last clue could lead to a romantic picnic in the park where the secret admirer is waiting or a nice restaurant. I hope this helps!

  6. I would like to point out that girls can like girls and guys can like guys. You shouldn’t force heteronormativity on people. It says in the “please note” part that if you are a girl all you have to do is flip around the pronouns and that offends a lot of people who just aren’t able to speak out.

  7. Zoey,

    I truly apologize. We didn’t mean to offend anyone with this article. I definitely understand what you are saying, and thank you for voicing your concern. We will be more aware of how we are writing articles in the future.

  8. Dont worry. You cant make everyone happy. Always has to be a cry baby. Im gay so I can say that I wasnt offended and thought thats you wrote an excellent page. Even if your note wasnt there I would assume people would have a small little ity bity bit of commonsense and know that the he’s and shes can be changed around or paired up (or doubled up :) ).

  9. Thanks for the kind words, Mike! It’s really appreciated!

  10. Hi guys! So I REALLY like this guy, and I’m terrified of the reveal. I also don’t know what to send him. Idk, but I’m going for it.

  11. I stumbled upon this article looking up advice on what to do *about* a secret admirer and while I’m not sure if the article is still being read since it’s a bit older, I’d like to leave some alternative advice for potential secret admirers out there: Do. Not. Do. This. Ever.

    I can’t stress enough how incredibly inappropriate the advice in this article is. Yeah, there’s the vague disclaimer to “not be creepy”, but here’s the thing — speaking from experience, if you leave anything for a woman (or man) at their home or work, all they can possibly know about you are two things: 1, you’ve been watching them, and 2, you know where to find them.

    This is especially disturbing for anyone who finds secret admirer trappings at the place that they live. There is nothing remotely romantic about this. After notes left for me at my home, I feel invaded. Is my secret admirer harmless? Probably. But again, I only know two things — he knows where I live and he’s been watching me. I’m actually afraid of being in what should be a safe place for me, my own house. I found the notes in the morning, so now if I get home after dark, I have to ask friends to come with me or circle the block to make sure no one is hanging around my porch.

    So, if you’re thinking about being a “secret admirer” of someone, consider this instead: don’t. Grow some courage, introduce yourself like a normal person, and instead of making a person feel watched or followed or stalked, ask them out and give them a chance to reciprocate or politely reject your advances. Especially in an age where so many women have experiences with assault or harassment or stalking, I can’t stress enough: this article is outdated garbage that encourages the idea that inappropriate behavior is sweet. It isn’t.

  12. Great article . Exactly what I was looking for. Keep writing

  13. GamerNerd says:

    I’m super late, but I have a question. I won this blow-up rose at an arcade, and I wanted to do something just to let my crush know that she’s appreciated. I was wondering if it was too cheesy to leave it at her usual spot before school with a note saying, “This rose may have cost 140 tickets, but you’re worth so much more than that.” Anonymously. Is it too weird or nerdy?

  14. Very useful post! I genuinely love this post! You post seems to be researched well and thorough and I appreciate your persistence in writing this. Excellent writing is something I really do recognize the value of in our day and time of so much inaccurate writings across the world wide web. Keep up the good work! Bookmarked and promoting on Facebook

  15. Miroslava Casiano says:

    Honestly, I think this is cute! I hope you did actually do this, if you haven’t done it yet, go for it!

  16. This is some really great stuff! Glad I found this! There’s a twitter page I follow that has some similar information. Check it out at https://twitter.com/HEALTH_ideals

  17. I gonna try it not that my mom will be to thrilled because we’re enemies at some point but no reveal.

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